Proof

See? We exist. The intarwebs say we do.

Update by proxy

So I couldn't go to the track today because of stoopid work. The things I do to provide for my racing habit...
However, I have been keeping abreast of developments. Below are the highlights:

• Reportedly Brian et al were already performing an engine swap when the TetanusNeon team arrived at the track. Needless to say, Property Devaluation Racing is off to a lusterous start. Joe already looks like he's gonna blow a gasket.
• Our paddock spot rocks! It's right at the track entrance and we have awesome neighbors. To one side, the always amusing Property Devaluation guys. Other side, Los Cucaroches. These guys are amusing; they actually persuaded my friend Laura to dress up in boots, a miniskirt and massive black eyeliner. That, my friend, is a sign of the apocalypse. We're also only two spots from the team that brought us the wonderful Shabbat Shalom M*****F******s T-shirts. Whoohoo!
• We passed tech! Zero penalty laps! Victory is mine!
• Finally, finally Nick downgraded us to class 2. Our car is hopelessly crappy.
• Our car is so crappy that even when we try to improve it with spiffy new tires, it creates problems. Apparently, every time we turn left, our right front tire rubs like a mother. Oops. Andy has some spacers he bought for his daily driver that we're going to try. That and Chris deployed the BFH to create more room. What would we do without big f&$kin' hammers?
• We've been awarded the honor of the PillarCam for a second race in a row. So flattering!

That's all for test and tune day. And I apologize for any formatting funkiness - I'm emailing this post from work because our stoopid firewall won't even let me see the blog. Grr!
Race tomorrow! Think dry thoughts!

Last chance for change - Gator-O-Rama in 3 days!

When we last left you, we had a tow hitch and a tach and a kinda-sorta-maybe white car. There has been progress. Behold! Beermountain!



For those not familiar with Beermountain, they are a crazy group of Brits dedicated to experiencing the real 24h of Le Mans. These are the nutters we hope to play/drink/spectate with this June, when we make a trek to the French mecca of racing, La Sarthe.

So naturally, I'm trying to suck up by putting gratuitous Beermountain stickers on the crapheap. Will my brown nosing be successful? Who knows! Ask me in July.



Back to the 24 Hours of Lemons. What happens when the truly untalented are confronted with lettering needs? Stencils! What happens when many stencils are needed? A huge pile of trash!

Oddly enough, my adventures in stenciling were a success. TetanusNeon, Generic Beer Edition actually looks pretty respectable. Or at least it does now, before our grimy hand prints start accumulating... Most of the team argues that this edition of the TetanusNeon is the niftiest. I don't disagree.

We did attempt to be practical. Ya know, follow the rules of the 24 Hours of Lemons. Harness adjustment to keep us safe:



Clearly marked tow straps, as per 24 Hours of Lemons rule 3.30 below:

3.30: Tow-Strap Locations: Please identify (or add) good, strong, clearly marked tow-strap locations to your car front and rear. The faster we can get you hooked up, the faster you can get back on the track. (The word "TOW" with an arrow is acceptable marking.)

And we knocked off most of our to do list. See? Progress!



The rusty Neon has a great team this race, and I can't wait until Saturday. Don't forget to heckle the husband - he turns 39 on Saturday. We'll have cake and beer. Come on by!

Much Progress! Many pics!

Last race, we were 'sponsored' by St. Arnolds. That is - we had an agreement with them that they wouldn't sue us for using their promo materials. We had hopes for a keg of beer, or at least some acknowledgment, but had no such luck. Therefore, we've decided on a new sponsor: Generic Beer. You remember Generic Beer - white can, black lettering IN ALL CAPS and a crappy, alcoholic beery middle. Who else besides Generic Beer would truly sponsor TetanusNeon? We have that answer: no one.

(Aside: Sometimes, just for shits and giggles, the Generic Beer would come in a yellow can for reasons unknown.)

To remind you of the starting product, here it is:



Andy, seen here, knows exactly what to do... but in his Yoda-like trance, wasn't sharing.



Chris has confidence that rollers are the solution. Many are skeptical, but we're also lazy. So his plan carries the day. Watch out, y'all, it's time for roller derby!



Mike has much more practical problems on his mind - like the new rule requiring a rear tow hook. Given the amount of rust on the Tetanus, we were all a little skeptical. Including Mike.



When choosing a paint, it's important to keep context in mind. When racing in a series that respects the rules, boundaries, and lines as much as possible, I feel that Rustoluem Traffic Striping Paint is the correct choice. That way, our team is always inside the lines. It's all the rest of y'all that are out!



I am diligent in the application of my belief.



Chris looks like he's hiding something. He is!



Our new Falken Azenis! Our car actually looks like a race car! Before it looked like Cousin Bob's cast off, beat-to-shit daily driver and now it's a work of art! Uhh... maybe. Or maybe not.



But seriously, I do find beauty in the details. When the old meets the new...



when instruments actually work...



or when things actually look like they're supposed to be there. For some reason, I love the new tow hook. The fact that it will help us pass tech is also not inconsequential.



Many good things happened yesterday. Hopefully, many good things will happen today.

I have an announcement!

Not only will we be racing in ten days, not only is it pissing wet out side, not only are we not ready at all, we have also just committed to racing May 1-2 in Louisiana. The following is our mission statement:

We've shaken up the team lineup but still drive the same Fiat Neon bucket-o-rust. Does it run? Sure. Does it run well? Sure! But only if you define 'well' as better than the awful MargaritaNeon. (May she rest in peace.)

Last year at Laissez les Crapheaps Roulez, we created a new and interesting color for motor oil. We've earned millions from this startling development thanks to Martha Stewart and that guy who buys for the Tata Nano. This year, we aim to create such pandemonium even the Cajuns will be impressed! Who knows? With enough beer, rusty racing stripes, motor oil, blood and crawdads we might even find the solution to world peace!

Nah. But it sure sounds fun to try.

Initial Recap of Yee-Haw it's LeMons Texas - 2009

Now that I've had a few days to recover from the 2009 running of Yee-Haw It's LeMons Texas, I must say that it was very fun but not entirely successful for our team.
Pros:

• With the larger number of entries, the race was run on the full-length MSR Houston track instead of the shorter "North Loop" that was used for October 2008 and February 2009. The additional space made it less crowded and I enjoyed the variety. One's approach does change substantially without the tire chicane and with the higher approach speeds returning from the southern portion of the track.
• Now that we've done several races our organization is much better and we were much better at our driver changes and pit stops. The headsets and radios we recently purchased have been a huge help there. Instead of watching the clock and wondering, we can discuss fuel levels and stint time with the driver.
  
• Also, the "network effect" is kicking in with interacting with other teams. The paddock at any 24 Hours of LeMons race is always an entertaining, friendly place, with technical advice and tool loans available -- but it's even better when the discussions and loans are with people we've met before and know are trustworthy, fun people. It's even happening with food: over the weekend I ate nicely from generously offered gumbo, BBQ ribs, and boiled shrimp from different teams. We shared beer.
• Ramon got a bus. He then painted it to match the race cars. Juan drove the bus to the track where people fell in love with it, and it even became the pace car. I don't think a LeMons pace car has ever been able to give so many people a tour of the racing line at once-- Doctawife said the bus had about 20 people on it.
  

Cons of the weekend:

• Sadly, one of our cars developed a host of hard-to-trace electrical issues that kept it off the track for far too much of the time.
• Also, another team we know well (Brian and Joe) had issues with their car too
  
• I and the other drivers in the other car weren't able to offer much help to either non-running car since duties on the functional car kept us pretty busy.
• Thanks to other events planned for the weekend (for example, a friend's wedding) not all of the team stayed at the track Saturday night, denying us some of our usual hang-out-and-BS bonding time.
  
• Unlike the last two Texas races, even our "reliable" neon wasn't running at the checkered flag due to bad wheel bearings. It's a little thing in the larger scheme of things (31st is 31st no matter how you slice it) but just having a car running at the end puts a nice glow to the end of the race. Endurance racing is all about persistence, and not getting to the end is a bummer.

Enough carping. The only postmortem that matters is that we will be back, and even more of our friends and family are interested in giving it a try. Gator-o-rama 2010, here we come!
Photo mishmash follows.

Rich rebuilt our cage and printed up our beer-label stickers. This is the other thing he was building: a small pickup now disguised as a semi!

Pace bus!

Oktoberfest churning away, not long before the wheel bearings were deemed too messed up to continue.

One of the good laps for Lawnmower. The car has great handling when it goes, which is why the electrical issues were so frustrating.

...and the day is done. The bearings had wallowed out enough to interfere with brake operation.

Spike and Brian hitch a ride on the CapriStang. This was likely the 'stang's last race since the old cage needs replacing.

Jay Lamm addresses the masses at the awards ceremony.

Final: 31st. Big fun for the weekend. Pictures later; watch www.jalopnik.com for other coverage.

Still rolling

Mike is still out there, babying the car, and we are hoping it holds
up until the end. Wheel bearings are now the top of our shopping list
for next time!

Day 2 so far: still in the top 20! (barely)

I need to get faster! I'm driving better than March but still slipped from 14th to 17th during my stint this morning. Lawnmower is done; still having fuel pump issues. Also I think our hopes for a top-20 finish with Oktoberfest are done because the front wheel bearings are going bad. Andy is still out there getting laps but is having to take it easy, unfortunately.

Results are tough to know

With so many cars on so much track for so long, it's always tough to
know how you're doing during a 24 Hours of Lemons race. Yee-Haw is
about 35 minutes away from being done for day one, and I snapped this
photo o everyone awaiting the 5pm hourly posting of standings so far.
As pit stops come and go we've bounced around the mid teens for
Oktoberfest's position so I hope we'll be in top 20 for end of day
(knock on wood). Lawnmower? Um, don't ask. Cooling and fuel pump
problems suck.

Mixed results so far

Lawnmower keeps blowing the fuel pump fuse but goes fast when it goes
at all. Tetanus (Oktoberfest) is plodding along fine but fuel use is
higher than we'd like. That means we'll have to make 1 more extra pit
stop before the end of today's racing.

One hour in. Lawnmower got fixed late yesterday and passed tech this morning. Charging problems had it off track for a bit but it's racing again. Tetanusneon is a lap down from the leaders but doing fine so far.

Test day

Passed tech fine, and got some practice laps in. The car runs well but
still keeps its lemon-hood on display prominently: the speedometer
thinks we hit 10mph and the gas guage seems to offer vague estimates
only.

Also, I'd forgotten how little traction this beastie has...

Ready for tech inspection

Durn near ready

The race is this weekend, and we're almost ready for it all. TetanusNeon (now Oktoberfest) is in good shape but the fuel pump on Lawnmower is acting up. Back to the junkyard for somebody!

A quick snapshot of some of the build & race team: Simon, Ramon, Andy, Mary, Kevin, Lee, Rob, & Junior. Not pictured: Mike, Chuck, & Kathy.

Wish us luck!

Lots of work this weekend. These last two posts would make a lot more temporal sense if blogger hadn't been broken. Chris' post was about Saturday, I'm all about Sunday.

We had an awesome day. Everything is coming together - at least for Oktoberfest. The muffler is now kosher (i.e. not held on by metal ties), our mirrors are taped and we have numbers! Numbers, I say! Oh, I also fabricated a radio support. From a license plate. 'Cause everything can be made from license plates.

Lawnmower still ain't runnin'... but that' not our fault. Oktoberfest only needs minor stuff before race day. So we're set! Hopefully, Oktoberfest will reward our confidence. If it breaks, we'll all be very, very sad.

Continuing preparations for Yee-Haw It's Lemons Texas

This is our last weekend for work on Tetanusneon and the Lawnmower before the next Houston race in the 24 Hours of LeMons. We replaced the Kirkey seat that had been in Tetanusneon with a Sparco seat more suited to the size range of the drivers-- the Kirkey we had was made for taller folks-- and worked a little more on its Oktoberfest livery, an homage to St. Arnold brewery's seasonal beer. Gluing some coasters to the wood on the back makes it more than a spoiler, now it's also a picnic table. Other than that this car is mostly set. A little bit of safety-equipment work, paint on the numbers, and it's ready to go.

The engine swap on the neon formerly known as "Margarita" is done, but it isn't running quite right yet-- Junior and Juan will be working on that. Those of us with less engine-diagnosis talent went ahead and pulled out the spray paint yesterday to turn the paint job into a tribute to the St. Arnold Lawnmower pilsner beer. We think it turned out pretty well. I just hope we can get it running right.

Earlier I wasn't sure about neon engine "swappability" for DOHC parts vs. SOHC parts. We had an SOHC block that was going to be frankensteined together with our DOHC head, but it turns out although the engine blocks are the same, the engines use different pistons. While calling around to try to find us used pistons (great idea, right?) Junior located a DOHC block and put that together with our old head. I don't know what we'll do with the now unneeded SOHC block-- keep it around as a spare for Tetanusneon/Oktoberfest, try to sell it back to a junkyard, recycle for a bit of money, or turn it into a boat anchor.

A few more random photos from yesterday's work -- enjoy.

New powertrain

While rebuilding the Margarita into the Lawnmower, Chuck and Juan suggest switching to an "alternative" powertrain.

Very Flintstone-esque, but I don't think it will pass tech inspection.

Progress!

Hey there, it's doctawife.

We're only 11 days away from Yee-Haw It's LeMons Texas... and we're scrambling. The TetanusNeon has been completely rebranded. The good folks at St. Arnold are letting us create the Oktoberfest! As you've seen above, we've stenciled the shiz out of Tetanus, creating a lovely autumnal theme. On top of that, we'll have a vinyl Oktoberfest logo. Supersweet!

I have to say stenciling is work. Who knew? I seriously got a blister on my spray-can hand, and a cramp in my forearms from holding the stencil to the car body. How does Martha Stewart do that all day long? I would die of both exhaustion and boredom.